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Let him speak, said Nathan Lee.
Have you ever followed a man on his cross? Ben asked.
How do you mean? evaded Nathan Lee.
A log burned through just then, collapsing the others in a spray of sparks.
Its heat foundered. The cold and dusk surged against their backs. The men
added more wood. Nathan Lee crouched and pursed his lips and blew. The flames
leapt high and warm again. Ben squatted in his place again. Nathan Lee went
back to his perch along the edge. It took a few more minutes to resume.
It s like watching a man build a fire, Ben commented. He had the
storyteller s gift of borrowing from what was at hand, in this case their
fire. His journey on the cross. At first there is smoke and your eyes sting.
Then the heat and light appear. At last the smoke clears away.
I don t understand, said Nathan Lee.
At first you resist, Ben said. You struggle. It goes on that way for a very
long time. But near the end, there are openings in the pain. There is clarity.
After all that violence, there is peace. God creeps in.
Is that what you saw in their eyes?
Yes, like in the eyes of a newborn infant. God.
High in the tree, they heard a rustling sound. It was a bird, trapped in one
of Joab s nets. God would be getting a snack in the morning.
These dying men, said Nathan Lee, what did they think of you?
Some cursed me. Others begged me to stay. It is very lonely on the cross.
They called me many things.
In their minds I was their friend and their enemy. I was God s servant and I
was the devil. They called me brother and son and father andrru-bee.
Is that how you saw yourself? A rabbi?
No. I was the student. They were my masters.
Were you there to save them? he pressed.
Some asked the same thing.
Then why did you torment them?
Why do you torment us? But Ben s tone was not hostile. Only clever.
He knows what we are,thought Nathan Lee.He s been out among us. To learn, he
said.
Ben smiled, a gruesome contortion. You see, we are the same. We search for
the common thread, the thing that connects kings and thieves and infants and
dying men.
Ben swam his stick back and forth through the flames as if tracing distant
words.
Didn t the soldiers drive you away? asked Nathan Lee.
Sometimes. Mostly they were glad to have me there. It could be lonely for
them, too. They were far from home. Also, for some, they had no one else to
see their cruelty at work. Or their kindness. Oh yes, the soldiers could be
compassionate. For a price, they would mix gall with the water and give the
poison on a sponge on a stick. Some did it for free. Or they broke the men s
legs before the suffering went on too long. Or cut their knees with a knife.
He made a slicing gesture with his stick across the front tendon on Nathan
Lee s knee.
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After that, they could not stand. The end might take another hour. But they
would be spared the days and nights.
Did you bring those kinds of mercy to dying men? Nathan Lee asked. Gall.
And the knife. Was that that what this was, a confession? Had he been a
killer angel?
In the firelight, the scars seemed to crawl across Ben s face. No. I was
afraid. The soldiers would have put me on the cross in their place. Those
bodies were the property of the emperor.
Did you help bury them, then?
Not that, either. They were left hanging. Or were pulled down and thrown into
the quarries. Food for the birds and flies and animals. Even their names were
eaten.
But some of the bodies were buried.
Few. I remember one. His family bribed the soldiers. The body was taken down
that night. They had to work quickly. A slave s body was dug up and tied in
his place, otherwise the soldiers would have been crucified themselves. I was
new to Golgotha, then. It shocked me. It seemed unjust. Even dead, the poor
have no place in this world.
Izzy spoke. Did you know a man they called them-shee-haa? Nathan Lee was
surprised by the abrupt question, by his solemnity. Then he realized Izzy was
setting the man up.
Yes. Ben answered.
You saw him?
There were many messiahs.
Izzy laughed with relief. Ben did not look offended. To the contrary, he
seemed amused by Izzy s amusement.
At the end of your year at Golgotha, what happened to you? asked Nathan Lee.
I left.
But you returned.
Not for ten years more.
Why? Why ever go back to that place again?
Yes, why? said Ben. He ran his fingers through the flames.
Nathan Lee glanced at Izzy, and he looked suspicious, even cynical. He didn t
believe in messiah claptrap. Ben didn t speak for a full minute. Nathan Lee
didn t prod him. He was willing to let the story go at that. He didn t believe
either.
Then Ben resumed. I went off through the land. I thought I would never have
to go back to Jerusalem again. But the land shrank. My path circled. I don t
know how it happened. My eyes were wide open. I
had command of my feet. But one day I found myself there again. And this time
they gave me my own tree.
He finished matter of factly, and stood up. He moved around the fire to go
inside.
Was it the way you thought it would be? Nathan Lee asked him. Clarity.
Peace. God.
No. None of it, Ben said. I looked out from up there, and the world is so
beautiful. He looked at
Nathan Lee through the flames. I never wanted to leave.
28
Revelation
O
CTOBER
An afternoon squall rose up from the valley and lashed the mesa, a storm made
for lovers. The rain drove the birds to roost, and people fled the streets.
Lightning snaked, thunder rolled. Hail rattled against her bedroom window.
Nathan Lee and Miranda barely noticed. They hardly surfaced from her house
anymore, so it seemed.
Alpha Lab was mostly just as an interlude, a place to catch their breath. Then
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they would find themselves here all over again.
Riding him, she seemed to be looking down from a great height. He kept
reaching for her. She ground at him. She pinned him in place. He raised her
high.
The storm kept pace with them. They finished together, the rain and them. Soon
the low sun came out and cast colors across the far range.
Night took its time. They rested in each other s arms and watched out her
window, softly talking, as
much to breathe their scents as trade thoughts. On the sea, he had discovered,
sunset was like a light switch, on then off. But here in the mountains the
light tarried. The colors seeped like cold honey.
Beneath the quilt, their hands traveled from here to there with no urgency or
end, memorizing the landmarks on their own, the shape of a hip, the places
with hair, the grooves and mounds. Their fingers traced miles along their
spines. They had run off with each other. The forbidden country was theirs to
own.
Neither had time for this. They had talked about it. They had higher
priorities. They were ten years apart in age. He was too old for her by a
lifetime. She was barely twenty, practically jailbait. Each was a loner.
It was a temporary arrangement, they assured each other.I will leave you, they
warned. For now it seemed they could go on forever.
Finally it was dark, night proper. Stars came out. They ebbed into sleep, warm
against each other.
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