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mouth. "I can't keep you in pain like this. I wish there was
something--"
"Take the boots back, Willem. Do that last thing for me."
His hands shook so badly, his vision blurring, it took
some time for him to work the boots off without jostling
Yorukaze too badly. "Do I have to say something?"
Eyes drifting shut, Yorukaze whispered. "Tell me you
release me. Tell me again you love me."
"You need that second part for the spell or something?"
"I just want to hear it again."
Willem crushed him close with a strangled sound, half
sob, half tortured laugh. "My kasha, my Yorukaze. I love you.
I release you."
A gentle hand touched his face, catching the tear that
fell. "I love you, too, Willem. I'm sorry."
The hand fell away and Yorukaze let out a soft sigh as
his body went lax in Willem's arms. His heart shattered on
that last breath, all shame forgotten as he sobbed, kneeling
naked on the world's ugliest carpet, with his dead beloved
in his arms.
* * * *
Yorukaze watched from far above his body. It hurt to see
Willem so heartbroken, those powerful shoulders trembling
with anguish. He wished he could offer some comfort, but
he was too far removed now. Death was supposed to be
the end of pain, wasn't it? Why did he still ache for his
darling Willem?
"You have changed, my Yorukaze."
"My lady?"
Amaterasu approached, her golden kimono floating
around her cloud slippers. "You have learned to see
through eyes other than your own."
"Ah. I think I understand you. I suppose I am free now,
though I've never known who guides the soul guide when he
dies. I am lost, my lady. I know not where to go."
"You linger out of attachment. Your love for your last
heki-sama keeps you here."
"I would it were otherwise. Better to watch over Willem
as a ghost, though, than be separated from him."
She touched his arm, or his approximation of an arm in
the spirit world. "You have suffered long, my kasha.
Perhaps too long. I cannot bear to see you languish as a
shade. I give you a choice."
He tore his gaze from Willem, hope leaping in him.
"What choice, my lady?"
"You may return to him. I will heal your body so you may
live in it again."
"And the price? There is always a price, yes?"
"There is a balance to all things, Yorukaze. I need not
tell you so. You may return to him, but you will be human,
with the needs and frailties of a human and a human's
lifespan."
Yorukaze turned his gaze back to the living world where
Willem still wept over him. A little smile twitched at his lips.
"I give you Arwen's answer, my lady."
"Pardon?"
"I choose a mortal life."
"So be it."
The dizzy plummet toward earth stole any thanks he
wished to give her, the rush and plunge ending in a heavy
thump as he rejoined his body. He gasped, his eyes flying
open as his body arched in its struggle with the sudden
renewed spark of life.
Willem sat back in shock, hands running over his face
and neck. "You're not dead? You're not dead! Oh, thank
God, thank God!"
"Goddess, actually," Yorukaze whispered. He still hurt
and he was too weak to move more than his head. "She
said I could stay. As a human, but I can stay."
Willem kissed his face repeatedly. "However she let
you, oh, fuck, don't leave me again. I'll take care of you.
We'll make sure you get better."
Strong arms slid under him and he felt himself lifted as
Willem stood. "My dear, you did just hit your head. Maybe
you shouldn't be carrying me?"
"Don't care. You're not heavy."
"And you do know you're naked?"
"Again, don't care. You're what's important right now,
hon. Ms. Englestad? Can we take him someplace where
there's a warm bed?"
Natt came into view. "Come home with us, Willem. You
both need some looking after right now. I have plenty of
room."
Over the next few days, Yorukaze confessed everything,
how he had misled Willem, how he had lied to the
Englestads. By the thunderclouds in Willem's eyes, he
could tell his love was angry, but Willem strove to be gentle
with him in all things while he recovered and didn't shout at
him even once.
Being helpless annoyed him. Having Willem's hands on
him to move him, to feed him, to bathe him, did not. He felt
only gratitude to have those large, strong hands touch him
again, in whatever capacity.
However, Willem did extract one last promise. "You
have to be straight with me from now on, Kaz. No half-
truths, no evasions, no lies, not even when you think it's to
protect me. You want this to work, want a real relationship,
you have to be honest with me."
Yorukaze made a face, though it was more for the T-
shirt Willem had just forced over his head than the request.
Willem laughed. "Don't scowl like that. You have to start
wearing clothes, hon. Especially with winter coming. You're
human now and you'll freeze."
"It will hang on me and I don't like white," Yorukaze
huffed as he let Willem help him into the armholes of the
borrowed shirt. He moved like an old man still, but he could
sit up and had begun to feed himself.
"We'll get you clothes your size soon. Whatever color
you want."
"Black." He lay back, tired from the little bit of exertion.
"And maybe red. I like red."
"Okay, fine. But you're stalling. I'm waiting for that
promise."
He took Willem's hand, stroking his thumb over the
callused palm. "You know if I give you a promise now,
there's no compulsion to keep it. I could break it at any
time, just like any other human lover."
"I know." Willem leaned in to kiss his forehead. "We just
have to trust each other. That's part of the whole human
deal."
"I promise. No more lies. No more deceptions."
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