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being that
. God, how could he ever have--?
Just because
, that's why. Why he'd been condemned to spend most of his life lying in a
gutter. A thousand years of gutter, just because
. And he mustn't ever try to find the underlying reason, because
--
This because was hammering him to death, with every mental step he tried to
take. He couldn't move an inch now without colliding with it, and at the same
time he knew he had to move. What made his situation all the more desperate
was the fact that until this moment it had never come really clear to him what
bad shape he was in.
Looking up into the starless city sky, Hawk gasped a few deep breaths. He
clung fiercely to the thought that he was making progress against& against
whatever was oppressing him, whatever had kept him in the gutter for a
millennium. At least he now understood that there was a fundamental question
that cried out to be answered. And experience assured him that when something
like this had a man in its grip, when a life was totally screwed up as his
was, for no visible reason, then the invisible reason most likely involved&
It involved&
It had to do with&
file:///G|/rah/Fred%20Saberhagen/Fred%20Sab...hagen%20-%20Dracula%2005%20-%20D
ominion.htm (123 of 186) [2/5/2004 12:21:16 AM]
Saberhagen, Fred - [Dracula 05] Dominion
He couldn't make it. He could grunt and groan, struggle any way he liked, but
he could not complete that simple thought. He was gasping, on the point of
fainting, ready to kill someone for just one drink. But he wasn't going to
drink. So, if he couldn't go after Carados, then how about the vampire? That
would be fine, that would be fun. Already he had tentatively planned on
bouncing the bloodsucker around from one century to another, as long as that
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game could be kept going; but that was more prank than serious punishment. And
sooner or later the victim of the game was more likely than not to wind up
back in present time. Where Hawk would be able to get at him in earnest& or,
indeed, where he would be able to get at Hawk.
That thought was enough to somewhat curb Hawk's yearning for a drink. Not that
the prospect inspired him with anything like the terror it would have a few
days ago; Hawk no longer felt particularly afraid of anyone or anything. Still
the probability of being confronted by an angry vampire, one as tough and
smart as that old one had been, tended to clear the mind and concentrate the
attention.
Before he could really concentrate, though, there were other nagging questions
to be thought about.
Example: That young cop, hopelessly mundane if anyone ever was, had asked Hawk
if the castle contained a sword. Imagine a question like that, just asked out
of the blue. Where would a mundane young Chicagoan have got hold of that idea?
Until now, Hawk had managed to keep himself from thinking about the Sword at
all. It wasn't forbidden him to do so, it was just too painful, it was rooted
in memories that he didn't dare stir up for fear of the anguish they would
inflict upon him. But it was possible to think about the Sword, at least as an
alternative to that subject about which he could not think at all.
And once he had allowed himself to start to think about the Sword, why then he
knew right away just where it had to be, at least its general location. It was
right in Nimue's way, interfering with whatever it was that she was offering
blood sacrifices to accomplish.
In his mind's eye, now probing his own dark future to the extent that he was
able, Hawk could see himself beginning to be surrounded by swords. From them
flowed danger, and breathtaking opportunity too, possibilities not quite
visible as yet&
First a small plastic blade, held in the unknowing fingers of Carados,
juxtaposed unwittingly with the clear liquid held up inside a vodka glass, so
that the hilt seemed to project above the surface ready to be grasped. By one
who dared& and then the other Sword., the great iron cross-hilt held up in a
dream, throbbing out of concealment with a beneficence of power&
Swords& and there were pentagrams too in the future to weight upon him. There
for a long, long time he'd been sure that all the business of magic was in the
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