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"You don't have to speak of it," she said. "Put it behind you, it was long ago."
Joanna shook her head, gulped another breath of air. "Someone probably Illona pressed a knife into
my hand.
"I wanted to do the deed. I thought I would be merciful and do it quickly, and in doing it a part of me
knew I would gain favor with the woman who was undoubtedly mistress of this cold place in the months
when her husband was gone. But I could not. Instead, I dropped the weapon and ran, Illona's dark
laughter following me down the bare stone hall.
"I spent the night locked with the children in a tower room, listening to them cry with hunger and fear. I
tried to calm myself enough to calm them, but each time I touched them to soothe their misery, my own
only made theirs worse. Children are too perceptive in those things. In the morning, their heads were
raised on pikes beside those of the fallen Turkish officers."
She began to tremble again. Colleen held her close, murmuring words too soft for Joanna's overwrought
mind to translate. She was lost in the past, in the days of delirium that followed the execution of the only
children she would ever know. She took another gulp of air, but Colleen pressed tightly against her as if
to force the means of speech from her lungs.
"You needn't talk about the past. You mustn't."
Joanna pushed her away and continued, her voice shaking, "The war went on and on. My brother won
some battles, lost others but led a lucky life for a number of years. Hardly a scratch, though he was often
in the thick of the fighting.
"Though I hated Illona, I never doubted that she loved him. When he was gone, she would spend each
night in prayer. Her servants were ordered to pray with her, though they had their work in the morning. I
was excused. 'God would not heed a heathen's prayers,' she often told me.
"Nor did He heed hers, at least not forever. The battles turned in the Turks' favor. Vlad was wounded,
more than once. Frantic, Illona turned to soothsayers and shamans and witches, followers of old
religions. They promised protection; then, when she paid them a pauper's fortune, they promised even
more.
"She listened. She learned. That last time, when he was carried home, he was not expected to live the
night.
"He did, for he was marvelously strong. But the fever was taking hold of him& and of her as well. She
abandoned his side, spent the night in the chapel now profaned with symbols of old dark creeds.
"That night, I stayed at his side and held his hand. He was so delirious, he looked at me and whispered
her name. I confess that I kissed him more than once, thinking it a small lie when it gave him so much
comfort.
"It was nearly dawn when she came to us. I could sense the change in her the triumph in her
expression, the deadly passion glowing in her eyes, the same passion that glows in mine when I am
hungry or enraged. 'Leave us,' she ordered and told me to close and lock the shutters and admit no one
to the chamber until nightfall. 'Keep watch outside if you must, but follow this command,' she said.
"I would not dare disobey her. So I sat and waited, dozing occasionally since I had not slept for so long.
"It was the last day I would ever be completely awake and free. And I spent it in a dark stone hallway.
"At dusk, she opened the door. I had never seen her look so triumphant. 'Come in, sister,' she said.
"I was instantly wary. She never called me that unless she had something unpleasant planned for me.
"I peered past her and saw my brother sitting up in bed. Though his face seemed pale, his hair damp
from sweat, there was no sign of fever. She had found a cure for him, I thought. I smiled at her, real joy
in my face, for I thought that as long as he lived, my life would be far less miserable. He would protect
me from her.
" 'Go to him,' she said and pushed me forward.
"I dared not disobey. In truth I had never embraced him in all the months I had lived under his roof. I
hardly expected him to embrace me, but he held out his arms. Just before I fell into them, I sensed that
something was wrong. But it was too late. He had me and I could not move, not even when I felt his
teeth rip the flesh of my neck.
"Some say a strigoi's kiss is sweet. They lie." She paused, considering the hour she spent locked in his
arms.
"And then," Colleen asked when the silence had grown too huge.
"As I faded, I thought of the time we first met, when I was so young and he hardly more than a youth
himself.
"Memories share through blood. I think the reminder of our kinship was too sharp. As soon as his
hunger was appeased, he pushed me away. 'Turn her as you did me,' he ordered his wife.
"She tried to protest, but he would not listen. 'I will not have my sister's life on my hands. Do it!' She
obeyed him then. I had no idea what they had done, but I feared them both. Had I any strength left, I
might have struggled. Instead I let her guide my lips to her breast, suckling blood as a child might his
mother's milk.
"I slept. The following evening she called my name, and I awakened to a different sort of life. Sadder
than my mortal one. Far lonelier than even I could have imagined."
"What was it like, that awakening?"
"Different for everyone, I believe. For some, especially those who fear death, it must be a liberating
experience. At first, I did not even notice the change except for that odd silence."
"Silence?"
"Shut your eyes and listen to the beating of your heart. Now listen to your breath moving in and out.
Those were the soft sounds I missed. And when at last I realized what had happened, I tried to cry out
and gagged from the attempt. I had to force a breath before I spoke. When I did, I turned on her. 'What
have you done to me?' I demanded.
"She forced in a breath, but only so she could laugh.
"And sadly, the power that filled me brought no relief from my hysteria, or my dreams. They made things
worse, it seemed, because I had a feeling that a different sort of life was within my grasp if I only had the
courage to reach for it.
"I never dared, not with Illona present. She made sure of it that first night. When I awoke, confused and
frightened, she laid an infant in my arms one stolen from a nearby village. Knowing how much I missed
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